Rainy day

Posted by Cynnie at 6/20/2006 07:56:00 AM

It's so rainy today..but thats a good thing..
It's time for me to snuggle up and think..think ..think..
you ever think of what you would do differently if you could have a 'do-over'..
A chance to re do your life and actually have a plan..have an agenda..have a fucking clue

There's very few things I would do too much differently..
mainly the ones involving hurting others..that's the stuff that haunts you for all eternity.
I hurt the one person I never ever wanted to hurt..the one person I thought would be a part of my life forever...the one person I loved ..really loved...
my best friend.


And it was so preventable..all I had to do was take a stand, make a solid decision, and follow it through...
and I failed.
God ,I am so human..

 

18 Comments:

  1. Zee said...
    8:44 AM  
    This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
    Zee said...
    8:47 AM  
    OK, I got over my shock and post again .... -:)
    This is a serious topic and you hit the nail dead on.
    I am still sore from three years ago, an other lady who unintentionally stabbed me.
    I sometimes wander if this is a gender issue - that man get hurt more easily and sob for years, or that woman are smarter to inflict pain - or both.
    Cynnie said...
    9:33 AM  
    I think it's a personality issue..I don't think either sex is more evil than the other..
    My problem is that i try to make everyone happy ..and of course , that's impossible
    Anonymous said...
    9:46 AM  
    Zee, you are a wise man; wise because you recognize that the stabbing was unintentional. We men act tough, but we really do get hurt more easily as well as more deeply (screw the grammer… I’m trying to make a point).

    Cynnie, why does it have to be so final? What so black or white? Are there not shades of gray? So you failed in this particular incident. Does that mean you are a failure? NO! Perhaps the one person that you hurt and you thought would be a part of your life forever actually understands that you’re human and that you make mistakes. Maybe your best friend has forgiven you and still loves you. Contrary to popular belief, unconditional love may actually exist… maybe you should ask your friend.
    Zee said...
    9:51 AM  
    Hm, yes - maybe. No, it's this way: You are right as well!
    There is this philosophy you know, which describes the different genders like this:
    A woman has of course a female body, but her "life forces" that are part of her soul are male!
    And the reverse situation applies to the dudes ...
    I kind of like that image -:)
    Cynnie said...
    10:23 AM  
    aww zee..i totally agree..I'm all girly and soft..but my inner me is fairly stoic, I feel pain but i try to ignore it and 'get over it '...
    Very male..
    And anon..
    ..what if you're wrong ? then I'm not just hurting..i'm embarrassed..
    I think unconditional love is easy to say, very hard to do.
    Zee said...
    12:09 PM  
    ... this is an interesting topic; I'll link you up 'cause I'm just too damn lazy today - or perhaps I can take the excuse that I'm actually a bit busy, or that my brain feels like an emptied vacuum cleaner bag. Whatever ...
    Zee said...
    12:32 PM  
    OK Cynnie, here is my post - hope you'll approve
    Give me a break
    Anonymous said...
    1:25 PM  
    Que pasa Cynnie?

    I will clean my ears and loan them to you for an evening if you need me to listen.
    Cynnie said...
    2:07 PM  
    aww..you guys are so sweet..
    I can't talk dullard.i can't verbalize anything
    cause then it'll be true
    Anonymous said...
    4:53 PM  
    unconditional love is easy to do ; why simply if your realy in love truly in love its like a very powerfull force nothing can stop it i have wlaked hat magical road long ago without fail ; i feel bigger inner stirings ; some cyber critters try and derail its long story; there differant forms of love like hard love where a mother must deal with child who lets say was involved in drugs and does the tought love my ex did this with duaghter ; love of pets many aspects of love ; i hav had a few xs because i was not 100 percent over my soulmate about a year ago i felt the inner stirring of real love again powerfull beyond words for now a year afar she is but has kept me happy knowing ill meet her faithfull yes always with funny phone calls; letters ; gee proclaiming it all over to friends yet if harming to the afar person iam in love with one must not ever inflict anbything upon one loved true love is no harming the other true love togeter by both parties is like a rebirth of new life force ; my ex her choice to go off to india to follow mystics for 5 years now this is her path she took ; myself i helped her with 25 000 for her trip and medical ; always with support ; time passes i being but human tried but failed in a number of relationships as ex was still in me then it vanished a year ago great waves came over me when contact was made a year ago and i can only hope the afar person will take my hand in marriage sometime maybe it my dream only but i cannot stop trying our contact is ok with a few interuptions from cyber critters and one powerfull weird moment from somebody who wanted technology and stole stuff plus yelled at me all the time geeeeeeeeeeee a great book i recommend richard bach a bridge accross forever choices are scary that i know they are actually frieghtning ;but i have always found after a choice has been acted upon and decisions made and real action oh my yu lookback and think gee was i realy in that situation i have no regrets from my disions and its a great progres ; to sit and wander what it would be like could be forever . to act and manifest it in realiy is a total healthy rebirth personaly i react with all folks with positive energy actions positive affirmations brings but only positive around you a happy smile a hello to a stranger spreads this real true love is endeering forever and a day and why not i have met couples with that energy
    Anonymous said...
    5:35 PM  
    bilbo again sorry for being a hoggy woggy on this ;in 2003 i met a tall lady localy mary ann suchard of the family gordon fairweather human rights commisioner for canada mary ann was on mega drugs no place to stay unless her abusive husband common law ; plus i met mary ann prior as a mom her daughter and i would play all the time gee this is 1997 about the duaghter was 8 years old and would come in here and flip switches or we go in the basement and we would chase each other around in shopping carts of course she would smash it into conrete kids for some reason adopt me anyway as time passed mary ann got into heavy drugs 2003 and prior also 1998 this time no home realy and nonsupportive hubby ;mary ann stayed here i got her on a mega vitamin project mega we maxed out credit cards and support from roland in germany with a cell phone link to his students right here about 6 monhs i healed mary ann to where folks where amazed and one of rolands students was her mary ann took him on as a son they and we had mega fun that summer then stephan from germany but 16 years old truly did not want to go back to germany as he adopted mary ann as a mom sad times when he left mary kept on vitamins i felt minor stiring in me i was happy to have healed her then one day she appeared restless one day she dissapeard then i found out she got involved with some idiot and got her on drugs later constable perry called me they found her oded on the sreet and is now in a home with her mind gone but man truly this is where i felt i must have failed it huants me its a life a human life; as god says each and every one of us is a star is special and so very differant and yet common in human nee human feeling yt there but only one of each of us of billions each so very special ; could i have done more ?????????
    Zee said...
    7:59 PM  
    Yes, you are a true hobbit Bilbo...
    What will be your next adventure?
    Greetings, Gandalf.
    Anonymous said...
    1:20 AM  
    hi gandalf how are you gee i write long dont i ?sorry us hobbits do that always writtng strangly but with heart on sleave and truthfully only my next adventure i want to meet somebody special i know is all i can say any words of wisdom gandalf for this loney shire folk like me slowly moveing out of bagshot row
    Anonymous said...
    1:22 AM  
    you look familiar gandalf
    Zee said...
    7:54 AM  
    Sure Bilbo, I look always familiar and still often vanish and keep my distance.
    My words of advice: Don't keep looking for a ring,
    a lover in the land of the fairies will do.
    Greetings and good luck,
    Gandalf.
    Anonymous said...
    7:54 PM  
    interesting gandalf us hobbits well iam vey determined i myself is waiting for life to start and will be honest to the end to mount doom
    Gary said...
    8:01 PM  
    From hurting loved ones to Gandalf - you guys are one stream of conssiousness.

    I have hurt a few people and in each case, I'd love to be face to face and truly apologize. I really would want them to know that I was wrong.

    Never suppress a generous impulse.

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